Laughter: A Natural Medicine

Has anything made you laugh recently; I mean really laugh? Or are you, like so many people, laugh-deprived?

There is so much serious, spiteful, angry, vengeful, critical, judgmental, accusatory, hurtful stuff filling the airwaves, video screens, Facebook posts, blog comments, and print media, that it’s sometimes hard to breathe in the thick atmosphere of malcontent.

There is so much bad news worldwide: national and international crises, human suffering, natural disasters, job shortages, stock market roller coaster rides, disease, murders, child abductions, etc.

I sometimes feel that I am suffering from laughter deprivation, humor depletion, a definite feel-good shortage. I find things to smile at – but little to laugh at. And most of the stuff on TV sitcoms that is classified as “humor” is either stupid or borderline obscene.

To balance things out a bit, last week ABC had a story on the benefits of smiling. Research has revealed that a smile makes people feel better, whether it’s a smile from someone else offered to you, or your own smile offered to another person. If a simple smile can do that, imagine what hearty laughter can accomplish.

I checked out the benefits of laughter and have decided that I need to do a lot more of it.

Laughter can have a positive effect on pain levels.  Not only can laughter give us a physical and emotional release from pain and stress, but it can actually give us an internal workout – on the abs and the diaphragm, as well as  relaxing other muscles, like those in the neck and shoulders.

Laughter not only reduces the level of stress hormones, like cortisol and adrenaline, but it also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins and neurotransmitters. Laughter also increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T-cells–those cells that are instrumental in fighting such diseases as cancer. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects from the daily stress that’s in all of our lives.

When we laugh more through the day, it also takes our attention off of negative things that surround us. If we look for the humorous side of things or put a humorous spin on things, it can ease the stressful moments and give us a different perspective on the situation at hand.

I am a very practical person; I can easily see the roadblocks that could hinder a project or idea. This can sometimes lead to stress before things happen. I am a plodder and can push myself until something is done, whether or not I really want to be doing the project.  When laughter is injected into the planning or the work, things usually go smoother, with far less stress.

The Bible says:

Eccl. 3:4 There is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh . . .” (NRSV)

Though life has it’s time of tears, it’s not good to dwell on sad things. We need to look for and plan for laughing times.

David and I both realized a while back that we need to laugh more. So we began to tune into old sitcoms, like The Dick Van Dyke Show,  I Love Lucy,  All in the Family, and Keeping Up Appearances. We sometimes pull out an old funny movie, such as What About Bob? or the older version of such classics as The Importance of Being Ernest.

If you want to get your mind and body into a more healthy state, especially if you are fighting a disease, as I am,  you need to put more laughter into your life to help strengthen your immune system.

Prov. 17:22   A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.

Laughter is contagious. I love to laugh, though I don’t do it often enough. And I love to hear other people laugh. I have some favorites among the laughing population. My friend Joan has a catchy laugh and she can often see humor in the ordinary things of life. My friend Cheryl has a great laugh; sort of puts you in mind of the lion on the Wizard of Oz. There is a pastor friend of ours from Beebe, Quebec, Canada, named Bob Cargill who has a very distinctive laugh that is uniquely contagious.

But my very favorite laugh belongs to my husband. He has a great sense of humor and has a truly contagious laugh; it’s warm and friendly. I love to hear him laughing with others and encouraging their attempts at humor. His laugh makes me feel good, whether or not I am laughing with him.

I have a friend in Maryland named Dennis who often forwards emails to me that inevitably make me laugh as I read them. I usually end up sharing them with my household and friends and I laugh again with those people. I think I laugh louder and longer when I share the humor with someone else.

Look for ways to share your humorous moments and laugh-creating cartoons, videos, or emails with your family and friends.

Humor is a great pick-me-up for the blues.  So the next time you feel down, get with a friend who makes you laugh, watch a funny movie or sitcom, and ask the Lord to give you a spirit of joy in place of heaviness. Don’t let laugh deprivation ruin your day or your life.

What’s makes your humor thermometer rise? What makes you laugh?

©2011, Marcy Alves

From Shame to Honor

Have you ever suffered embarrassment from harsh, unfeeling, and undeserved words that have been spoken in criticism or judgment? Have they left the mark of shame on your life?

After a message I shared with our church regarding two things the devil uses to disable followers of Christ – pride and shame – a woman from our congregation asked to share with the congregation. She said that during the past week an acquaintance of hers had derided her concerning her faith in God, that her friend shamed her.

Her prideful ‘friend’ said: “Your daughter was sick almost to death, your car was in an accident, you have money problems – what good does it do to go to church and believe in God, He doesn’t answer your prayers. I don’t go to church. I have four children and none of them are sick and I’m doing well without depending on God.”

Our church member continued: “It made me feel so bad. I’ve been feeling discouraged. And I have been crying all week. I know I was supposed to be here today for this message.”

Shame is debilitating; it causes believers to live under the cloud of doubt and uncertainty, hesitancy and timidity, depression and hopelessness – shame is not meant to be in the life of God’s child.

Some of our shame comes from others – from what they say and what they do to us. And some of our shame comes from our own participation with things of the flesh – things that end in our personal sin.

When we come to the foot of the cross and drop our burden of shame – seeing the Savior dying for our sins, shedding his blood to pay our debt, giving up His life to give us life – we should walk away from the cross with our heads held high, not hung down with a cloud of gloom surrounding us.

BC – before the cross – we had reason to be ashamed. AC – after the cross – things changed. Jesus came to do away with our guilt and our shame, no matter how that shame came upon us; to give us new life.

There are several reasons we no longer have to be ashamed:

• Because we trust in Christ for salvation and the forgiveness of our sins:

Romans 6:22-22 -   What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! ²² But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

1 Peter 2:6 For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

• Because we have made Jesus Lord of our life

Romans 10:8 “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: ⁹ That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. ¹¹ As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.

• Because God calls us “sons”*

Hebrews 2:10-11 In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. ¹¹ Both the one who makes men holy [Jesus] and those who are made holy are of the same family.

• Because Jesus calls us his “brothers”*

Hebrews 211-12 – So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. ¹² He says, “I will declare your name to my brothers; in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises.”

You are no longer an outsider, an outcast, a failure, a loser, a no good son of a gun. You are a child of God, a member of His family.

Recently I shared on Facebook and Twitter a God-tube video of Christopher Coleman­.

He was born dead and laid aside; when his twin sister was born about 15 minutes later and cried, Chris suddenly gulped a breath and cried. But because he was oxygen-deprived for 15 minutes – the doctors were certain he would be severely handicapped and suggested putting him away in a permanent facility. Christopher’s parents made the decision to keep him. Only those who have raised a handicapped child know the hardship of such a decision.

Since the video does not go into detail, we can only guess at the difficulty of attending to this young child’s needs. Yet, Christopher’s mother always gave him encouragement and planted hope in him from early childhood.  She was his cheerleader and pointed him toward his Savior and Maker, the Lord God.

Christopher was not sent to school with his twin sister when she started attending, but at age 5 he taught himself to read from his sister’s school books. He later graduated high school and at God’s instruction attended a college in Marietta, GA where he graduated with honors in a Communications major.

God told Christopher that He wanted to use him.  Chris can’t walk, has limited use of his hands, and labors to speak clearly. Yet he travels and shares his testimony about how much God loves him and saved his life for a purpose. The Lord has chosen him to “confound the wise”.

God has a different philosophy than the world does: the world worships success, wealth, material things, popularity, education, intelligence, influence, abilities, skills, but God chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the worldly wise – the arrogant.

1 Cor. 1:27  “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; “ (Authorized Version)

“Confound” means to stun, amaze, puzzle, mystify, bewilder, baffle, perplex and leave people speechless. That’s what God wants to do through the weak and foolish from the worldly view.

Maintaining our trust in a loving God in spite of circumstances is what confounds the “wise” around us who don’t know our God. We have no reason to be ashamed.

We have a couple of apple trees in our front yard. Because the trees had years of neglect before we acquired the property, the apples that come from those trees are misshapen, wormy, and small, with somewhat tough skins. But when I cut away the apples’ “shame” they are very tasty. They make wonderful applesauce.

I take the time each autumn to “redeem” these apples – to make something good out of them. They would go to complete decay if I did not intervene – like Jesus intervened for us.

Our Heavenly Father sent his Son, Jesus, to redeem us; to take fallen, misshapen, sin-stained, shameful and shamed people – some of us with very tough skins – and make something “tasty” of us.

Because Almighty God, Ruler of Heaven and Earth, is a God of love, He delights in taking his creatures from shame to honor – to leave the wise of this world stunned, amazed, puzzled, mystified, bewildered, baffled, perplexed and speechless.

Are you ready to give up the shame of your life – to exchange it for a life of honor?

 

©2011, Marcy Alves

* “sons” and “brothers” – in the New Testament refers to both men and women. This is actually an elevation of women in the culture of that time – particularly in the Jewish culture where only sons inherited from the father. In Christ we all have the rights and privileges of “sons” and “brothers”. (see We’re the ‘sons of God’ . . . So What?)

Related articles

• The Low-down on Shame (briancoatney.com)
• No More Shame (lindalou10.wordpress.com)
• Day 20: Wearing the Mask of the Walking Dead: Shame (gracefullwomen.com)

Who’s in the Driver’s Seat?

Going for a ride in your car can be dangerous. And life in the fast lane can be especially treacherous.

There have been several tragic and fatal car accidents in the news this past week; two that are remarkable in their unique circumstances. One occurred at the Las Vegas speedway and the other at the intersection of Route 30 and Jessup Avenue near Marshalltown, Iowa.

The auto accident death with the highest national and international impact was that of IndyCar-driver Dan Wheldon.  He moved from England to the U.S. to be able to race in the Indy 500, which he called, “the biggest sporting event in the world.” Wheldon fulfilled his dream by twice winning the Indy 500.

This past week Wheldon was competing in the Las Vegas Indy 300 when the racing career of this 33-year-old came to an abrupt end, as did his life.

According to an article on the NASCAR website, “Wheldon started last in the 34-car field and was up to 24th quickly, but still well behind the first wave of cars that got into trouble on the fateful lap. Still, he had no way to avoid the wrecks in front of him. There was no time to brake or steer out of trouble. His car sailed into the fence extending high over the track barrier, and about two hours later, his death was announced.”

It was reported on ABC news later that he had died instantly from blunt force trauma to the head.

The other tragic accident referred to in my opening paragraph was that of Gordon and Norma Yeager of State Center, Iowa. The Yeagers were 72-year “marriage veterans”. Gordon (94) and Norma (90) had gone for an early morning drive that ended in their deaths several hours later. Their vehicle was hit by another car when Gordon failed to yield as he pulled away from a stop-sign into the path of another vehicle. There was no time for the driver of the other car to stop.

Gordon and Norma both died later that afternoon holding hands in the ICU room where they had been placed together.

Though “accidents happen” there are tragedies in this world that seem to be “other directed”.

Of all people, race drivers are aware of potential danger accompanying the thrill of racing, but are willing to take the risk. But, how many IndyCar races have there been at the Las Vegas track with no such pile-up as the one this past week?

How many people would consider it a risk to go for a morning drive? How many times have you or someone you’ve been riding with failed to look carefully before entering traffic from a side-road and have been spared from an accident, rather than becoming a victim?

There are other forces at work here.

Recently I spoke for a Christian women’s group in Sherbrooke, Quebec. On my way to Sherbrooke I picked up a friend in Newport, VT. On our way out of town on the evening before the speaking engagement, it was after dark as I approached an intersection where I clearly had the green light. Just as I increased my acceleration, a driver coming toward me suddenly took a left turn in front of me, cutting me off. I slammed on my brakes, stopping about 1½ feet from his front side passenger door.

About 35 minutes later, when my adrenalin pump had returned to normal output range, we were driving on a dark country road, when my passenger suddenly said, “A deer!” Only I thought she said, “Oh dear.” So I responded, “What’s up?”

She then almost shouted, “NO, A DEER!!!” To which I quickly responded with a foot on the brake pedal (adrenalin is a powerful, quick-action hormone) as “Bambi” bounded across the road. The deer had come in from my left in a blind spot created by the panel where the front windshield and the side window come together.

Another force was at work that night – one who did not want me to arrive safely in Quebec; one that did not want me to share my testimony with the women’s group the next morning. I rebuked that force in the name of Jesus. Thankfully, another power was with me that night.

My husband had a “driving” dream earlier this week. In the dream David was on a road not far from our house. He was riding in the passenger seat; no one appeared to be on the driver’s side. There was a steering wheel on his side of the van, another on the driver’s side, and one in the backseat. He was trying to steer with the wheel in front of him, but the car wouldn’t go where he attempted to direct it. He thought of switching over to the driver’s side of the car to use that steering wheel, but there was no seat on the driver’s side. It was scary to have absolutely no control. David woke up, glad to find himself in bed instead of in an uncontrollable vehicle.

I believe that David’s dream contained a message from God: it’s a message to all of us.

“My child, you’re in the passenger seat. I didn’t put a seat on the driver’s side of your ministry vehicle because I’m the driver, not you. There is a steering wheel in front of you and you will often feel like you should be doing something to steer the ministry. I will sometimes let you steer, but only when you take time to get directions from me. When the vehicle seems to be going out-of-control, turn to me. I will always be in the vehicle with you and will take over the controls any time you ask – trust me.

“The steering wheel in the back seat represents others who will try to steer your ministry course. Don’t let backseat drivers control the vehicle. Pay attention to me and you will not become a fatality of a wrecked ministry.”

How about you? Do you ever feel like your life has spun out of control? Or someone else is steering from the backseat? And just when you think you’ve regained control of the steering wheel, it seems to be disconnected from the tires on the ground? You’re heading toward a pile-up on the track and you can’t stop or steer around it.

How do you get back in control? Or should you even be in control? Are we ever really in control?

Long ago I surrendered my life to God. I asked Him to take over the controls of my life. I have to admit that there are times when I try to steer from my side of the car – the passenger side. But the Lord has allowed things in my life that are beyond my ability to control – I cannot dictate the outcome – such as dealing with cancer. But I can leave the driving up to my Heavenly Father, knowing that as I follow His leading, as I put my full trust in Him and His love for me, He will see that it all comes out just as He has planned.

There are no accidents where God is concerned. Though there is another force that would like to destroy me, as on my trip to Quebec, “greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world”. My Savior is in the driver’s seat and that is where I want Him to remain.

Who’s behind the steering wheel in your life? You or God?

©2011, Marcy Alves

Related articles

• Dan Wheldon dies in tragic IndyCar finale (topgear.com)

Pastor’s Wife: Called or Drafted?

October is “Pastor Appreciation Month”. This is my second article regarding the need to encourage your pastor(s), in which I want to draw your attention to the role of the pastor’s wife. I want to give you an inside look at what life might be like for your pastor’s wife.

“Most mornings I wake up with a sense of purpose, destiny, direction, and confidence to begin a new day.  At other times I can’t help but ask the question, ‘Did I volunteer, or was I drafted?’ “

That’s the way I began an article written in 2006 for a newsletter that featured women in ministry, whose vocation included being a pastor’s wife. I revisited that article and realized that I’ve lost some of the optimism of five years ago. I’m in one of those places (short-lived I hope) where “purpose, destiny, direction and confidence” seem to be shrouded, as if a fog has moved in to obscure my vision.

Maybe twenty-plus years in pastoral ministry can do that to you? One thing I know: those of us who find ourselves in this fogged-in place can easily become disenchanted with people-ministries.

Being a pastor’s wife can be one of the loneliest occupations in the world. It’s one thing to look at the pastorate through rose-colored glasses, how fulfilling it will be, how much you can help people and how grateful they will be for the help. The truth of the matter is that some of the people you help most will not be grateful. Sometimes they will resent you, be angry with you, take sides against you, talk behind your back, resist your husband’s leadership, and complain about how you don’t reach out to them.

Others in whom you invest time and energy and love will be gracious, friendly, accommodating, supportive, co-operative – all the things that encourage you in the ministry – and then leave for greener pastures during plateaus or tough times in the church or in your personal life. Those of us who are pastor’s wives feel the pain – it’s very hard not take it personally. It’s a sense of desertion – like a divorce.

So what would make anyone crazy enough to take on this role?  For most of us, it simply came with the territory; we married someone who became a pastor, so we in tandem became a pastor’s wife. It’s not a role that we always enjoy, though it is sometimes very rewarding; especially when you see someone grow spiritually because of your investment in their lives,  your encouragement toward spiritual things, your prayers for them, or just your friendship with them. It’s also rewarding when someone appreciates those investments.

There is something else that helps us not only to cope, but to find pleasure in fulfilling our particular ministry role: that coping mechanism is a sense of “calling”.

What do I mean by a “sense of calling”? The “calling” is three-fold:

• First, the pastor’s wife is called to Christ by the Spirit of God. A woman who is not sure of her own salvation would do best not to marry a man with a pastoral gift and office. If her life is not dedicated to loving and serving her Savior, she will burn out very quickly in church ministry.

I believe that my first “call” is to minister to the Lord God Himself.  I am becoming more and more convinced that until I get this part right, all other ministry will have little eternal effect for the kingdom.

Sometimes in the midst of the busyness of ministering to others, I sense my Father God calling me to come and sit down by Him for a while so that He can refresh me. He also wants me to minister to Him, as a cuddling child ministers to its parents; it’s a matter of “my child acknowledges her need of me”.

The “calling” has in it that sense of total dependence on God and deep love for the Father. When I focus on staying close to God, delighting in Him, the sense of “calling” on my life increases.

A true calling of God does not end.  Rom. 11:29 . . .  For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

Is this different than any believer’s “call” to discipleship? I believe it is. It takes a special unction from the Spirit to hold up under the spiritual attacks that come against ministry couples and their families and to continue loving those who can drain you.

• Second, the pastor’s wife has a “calling” to her husband.  Even if she is involved in the activities of church ministry, she must be able to create a space of peace and contentment for her husband. She needs to be a safe harbor for him – not just to minister to him, but to help protect him from other women who might try to fill the void if she leaves it vacant.

The pastor’s wife must be a consoler, good company, a playmate, an encourager, a sounding board, a counselor or confessor, a good listener, and a sympathetic friend.

So many ministry couples have ship-wrecked because the wife does not recognize, desire, or know how to fill this calling to be her husband’s helpmate.

A pastor’s wife who does not have a strong sense of “calling” will have a hard time with the stresses of pastoral life.  She can easily grow to resent the time and energy commitments that pastoring necessitates, both her husband’s and her own.

Though on paper the pastor’s job description does not include time commitments from his wife, and even though she is not obligated in any way by written or verbal contracts, there are usually unspoken expectations regarding her role in the church body.

In a small church, often it is expected that the pastor’s wife should fill in where there are church needs within her skill areas. She should do the recruiting for or planning of special events. She should envision and implement the vision for women’s outreach, participate in the women’s missionary program – or head-up that group. She should be able and willing to teach kids’ church or lead the youth program.  She should also do one-on-one ministry with women in the church,visit the elderly shut-ins.  Such are some of the expectations, often unspoken, that a congregation may subtly impose on a pastor’s wife.

I remember the congregational interview prior to our coming to our current pastoral situation where the question was asked, “And what ministry will Marcy be doing when you [my husband] comes here as pastor?” To which my husband responded that we would wait for the Lord to lead me in that regard. (Yes, I have a good man.)

Not only is it often expected – by church members or by herself – that the pastor’s wife will fill-in the ministry vacancies in the small church, but, if the salary afforded the pastor cannot cover his family’s personal living expenses, there is often the suggestion that his wife should get a job to make up the difference.

• Third, the pastor’s wife has a calling to care for her family. If there are no natural born children, you can bet there are “heart adoptions” that are subject to compassion and energy drainage. Plus considerations of responsibility to both her extended family and her husband’s extended family and the reality of aging parents.

If your pastor’s wife has been involved in ministry for only a short time, maybe the glow of that role has not worn off, but the loneliness of the position might already have set in. And if she has been ministering for many years, you can know for sure that emoional and spiritual reserves have been seriously called upon if not depleted.

If you have never thought of the kinds of on-going pressure on your pastor’s wife that I have mentioned – both in her ministry and personal life, perhaps you should make an opportunity to consider her this week; pray for her, ask the Lord how you can bless her, and take the time to speak an encouraging word to her.

What will you do this week to encourage and brighten your “PW’s” day?

©2011, Marcy Alves

Pastor Appreciation: Saying “Thanks”

When is the last time you said, “Thank you” to your pastor or priest? Or have you ever done it? October is “Clergy Appreciation Month”. It’s a time to say, “Thank you for your service,” as we stop to think about the pivotal role of “pastor” in the life and health of the local church body. This is a national awareness month, a time when we honor those men and women whose vocational ministry and spiritual calling is to nourish, instruct, and shepherd the sheep in their appointed area of God’s spiritual pasture.

These are men and women who have been called by God and have responded to that call by committing their lives to training disciples of Jesus and equipping their congregants to do the work of the ministry in their individual areas of gifting.

This is no easy task.

There are many sheep whose inclination is to wander off from the flock and become prey for predators, to be obstinate and un-teachable, to butt and bite the other sheep, to become “cast down” so that they can’t get up without help, or to become sickly from eating the wrong food.

My husband, David (who is a pastor) and I have been watching ABC’s documentary on the tape recordings of First Lady Jaqueline Kennedy, wife of John F. Kennedy, the thirty-fifth President of the United States. On those forty+ year-old recordings she spoke of the terrible loneliness her husband experienced as he tackled the affairs of State, his sleepless nights, his doubts and fears over decisions he had made, and the tears he shed over the failure and loss of life resulting from such decisions gone bad, such as at the Bay of Pigs.

My heart is drawn to Mrs. Kennedy in her obvious compassion for her husband.  I identify with her sense of the weight of the burdens he bore, and with her desire to ease his distress. Although the responsibilities of the pastor do not compare with the weighty decisions of the President of the USA and their possible consequences of national importance, like the President, that’s where the buck stops if something goes wrong. And though the pastor is not involved in international wars, the spiritual impact of a pastor can have eternal results in the battle for good over evil.

Anyone who has not been a pastor cannot imagine the stresses and energy drain of pastoral ministry and the on-going spiritual warfare that is part of such ministry. Pastoral ministry can be an extremely lonely existence for the pastor, and for his wife and family.

I have watched my husband (my pastor) agonize in prayer over the course our church body should take and when things didn’t work out, to wonder about his ability to hear God. I’ve seen him flounder under undeserved criticism and misunderstsanding, fight against feelings of rejection or failure when families have left for greener pastures, wonder if he’s in the right place and if he should leave the pastoral ministry, puzzle over the lack of comprehension when he’s preached and taught what he believes is the heart of the Father – with sometimes little visible results. I’ve seen his struggle to accept a phone call when he’s already exhausted.

No one in his right mind who knew ahead of time about the temporal and spiritual challenges of pastoral ministry would choose such a vocation. Most of us who have been personally involved for any extended length of time (say, more than a year?) can no longer be casual or callused about the struggles inherent in pastoral ministry.

I have been a pastor’s wife for 20+ years now. Four of those years we were in local church youth/family pastoral ministry while also in part-time itinerant ministry. We also spent about 10 years in strictly itinerant ministry. Neither the years of youth-pastor ministry, nor the years of itinerancy,  during which we ministered to many pastoral couples, prepared us for the role of full-time local pastoral ministry.

We blush a bit now at the presumptions of some of our early “Come Away” ministries – four-day weeks of small group outreach to pastors and their spouses. We were encouraged as we watched their tensions lessen and their tired faces reflect some easement of their ministry stress.  But we did not know by personal experience the feelings of defeat and futility that pastors and their spouses often felt over their local church ministries. We now know it firsthand.

Besides the smile of our Heavenly Father that we feel in His presence, the warmth of His love that drains off the stress and exhaustion of pastoral ministry, there is one other thing that keep us going:  the expressions of gratitude from our church family.  There are things that make it all worthwhile: words of appreciation, the “ah-ha” reflected on the face of a congregant who “gets it” as he/she opens like a flower to the work of the Spirit, a simple “Thank you for that message”, or a sincere hug as someone leaves the worship service. And once in a while a card, or a gift, or a dinner invitation. Or we hear the pride in a voice as it says, “I’d like you to meet my pastor,” or, “You ought to visit our church sometime.”

If you are a member of a church, I’d like to challenge you – this month, this week, today – to think of a way to thank your pastor for his commitment and service to the Lord, to you, and to the rest of the church body. And if there is a clergy person from your past who positively affected your life, take a moment to contact him/her and say, “Thank you for caring about me and having an influence on my life. I’m a different person because of your influence.”

If you have a pastor for whom you are thankful, how about jotting down a few sentences and sending them to me. I’d like to include them in a post before the end of October. Also, share this post with others and remind them to thank their pastors.

Thank you!

©2011, Marcy Alves

Related articles

• Do we really appreciate our clergy? (barefootpreachr.org)
• October 9 is Pastor Appreciation Day / October is Pastor Appreciation Month (waynepark.wordpress.com)
• Pastoral Ministry Is War (via Paul Tripp) (mgpcpastor.wordpress.com)

People Pleasers and Gracious Receivers

Is there anyone else out there who has this problem: someone in your family, or among your friends, or at your place of work, or in your church, does something for you that they think will please you, but it has just the opposite effect?

Let me illustrate: your friend is going to the grocery store and asks if she can pick up anything for you.  You answer, “Yes, thank you. I need some garlic – the loose bulbs, not the packaged kind. I’ll pay you when you get back.”

Your friend returns later without the garlic, because she couldn’t find it in the produce section. But she hands you a bag of onions.

You just bought a bag of onions yesterday and your friend was with you when you made the emergency run to the convenience store. The kind of onion she bought today is not the kind you prefer; they are yellow onions and you like the sweeter taste of the Vidalia onion. You mentioned that to her yesterday when you had to buy the bag of yellow onions because the soup you were making for dinner needed onions and  it was already 5:00 PM, so you didn’t have time to drive to the grocery store.

Your friend says, “They were on sale and I know that you use lots of onions in your soups, and they are organic, you don’t have to pay me, they’re a gift from me.”

Now, if you’re like me, you appreciate sales, especially on organic produce, and you like free stuff. But you don’t need or want more onions of any kind at this time. You have experience with onions that have been around for too long, some of the rings in the onion get mushy and they rot.

How would you handle this scenario?

I actually found myself in this situation recently.

Where I should have felt grateful, I didn’t. I had all I could do to not say something that wound sound ungrateful, let alone thanking my friend for her thoughtfulness. Plus, garlic is what I needed at the time.

Honestly, I felt kind of irritated. I was being put in the spot of expressing gratitude for something for which I felt no gratitude. Maybe I didn’t want to feel like I owed her? This seems to be happening to me more frequently recently. What’s up?

What I felt like saying was something like, “Please don’t buy me things unless you know I want them.” Or, “Well, since I already bought onions yesterday, maybe YOU could use these YELLOW ONIONS yourself; I prefer Vidalia, remember?” Said sweetly, of course; not in a mean way.

I’m not going to tell you what I actually said, except for “Thanks”. I’m a little embarrassed about my not overwhelmingly gracious response. I have a hard time faking gratitude – it’s always been a struggle for me.

I wrestled with the situation after my friend left. I prayed about it. I don’t want to be an ungrateful person. And I don’t want to discourage people from trying to do nice things for me.

I asked the Lord to help me learn something from these on-going encounters. Remember when the Israelites were in the desert and didn’t get the lessons God was trying to teach them? It was “Okay, guys . . . one more time around the mountain.” (Deut. 1:34-45)

As I laid it before the Lord, a light clicked on in my head. There are three things I sensed the Lord showing me:

• First, He reminded me of the Scripture that says: “Be thankful for everything.” (Eph. 5:20) Maybe this was a test from the Lord?

Or maybe the Lord had my friend buy the organic yellow onions for me because He knows I’ll be making lots of soup during this fall season and those who eat it won’t care what kind of onion I use. Or maybe someone else will need onions and now I have plenty to share?

Being thankful before figuring things out is an expression of trust in God, that He indeed oversees the circumstances of my life.

• Second, how about when I think of blessing someone else?  Maybe I should ask them what I can do to bless them and not just do what I think will bless them?

Perhaps this is one of the explanations for many failed evangelistic efforts. Maybe our Gospel presentation is not reaching our neighbor, or our co-worker, or our family member, because they don’t see the need for what we’re offering them.

How can we expect people to be respond positively when we share God’s “plan of salvation” with them if they don’t think they need it? We have to first connect with them at the point of their “felt need,” even though we know their “real need” is a relationship with God through Jesus.

• Third, I wonder how often we offer our words or works to God and expect Him to be pleased when what we’re saying or doing is not what He wants us to say or do?

Is our Heavenly Father sometimes frustrated with us because we don’t ask Him before we enter into a flurry of activity that may have nothing to do with His desire for us? Busying ourselves with things – even good things – that have little or nothing to do with His best plan for us – activities that crowd-out intimate time with Him?

How can it bless our Father when we give the best part of our time and energy to what we think might please Him or what makes us feel good about ourselves, when what He really wants is to share His heart with us and to reveal His love to us.

I wonder if He ever feels like saying, “It’s nice that you spend so much time feeding the poor and cleaning the church building, but that’s not what I had in mind for you today. It would please me more if you would first spend time with me and get your marching orders from me.”

Jesus said he only spoke what the Father told him to say (John 12:49) and only did what he saw the Father doing (John 5:19). If Jesus sought his Father’s instructions for what he should say and do, shouldn’t we?

Anyway, I’m ever learning, and with God’s help I eventually come to the knowledge of His truth. He’s teaching me to be a considerate giver and a gracious receiver (ouch!).

How about you?  Is God trying to get you to be “other” focused both in giving and in receiving? What’s God saying to you about your attitude of gratitude?

 

©2011, Marcy Alves

Photo by: David C. Alves

Encouragement: Producing Hope

Are you an encourager? Or a discourager?

Recently at our weekly Lifegroup meeting (a small community group from our church fellowship) we took a “self-examination” on encouragement.  There were fifteen “I” statements on the exam page. We were to rate ourselves on a scale of 1 to 5 – 1, being “hardly ever” up to 5, being “nearly always”.*

The self-exam had two columns in which to rate our encouragement to “family” and “others”. With my husband sitting next to me, this was a bit challenging. In case he was peeking at my self-scores, I didn’t want to overrate myself.  Self-exams are hard to do with a potential onlooker at your side.

Some of the “I” statements were tough to rate, like . . . “I have a healthy balance of affirming others for who they are and for what they do.” Sometimes I find myself defining who people are by what they do, their words and actions  – but “who” and “do” don’t always match up.

For instance, there are people who have been so beaten down by negative life experiences that who they really are becomes lost in depression, anger, fear, resentment, or hopelessness. If their circumstances were to take a turn for the good, without interruption by more bad circumstances, a whole “new” personality might seem to emerge. But sometimes that “new” person has been there all the time – just needing some encouragement to surface.

Anyway, at the end of our self-evaluations, we discussed our responses to the exercise.

Several of us felt we were more encouraging to “others” than to close family members. We seem to expect more from family members. Or family members may not feel as obliged to put their best foot forward at home, but expect their family to excuse their moodiness, grumpiness or rudeness. We don’t want to encourage bad behavior by being too nice, or so we reasoned.

Also, most of us tend either to put up with those negative moments from our family members, knowing (or hoping) those moments will pass, or we react in-kind – negativity for negativity. We often don’t think of giving encouragement to deflect unconstructive or pessimistic talk or actions.  So, we either reflect the negativity back to the offending person or ignore the person altogether.

From my experience with depressive talk, actions, or thinking from others, I have found that much of it comes out of a hopelessness that anything will ever get better.

There is always a cause for depression – a mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical trigger. Often it only takes an injection of hope into the situation to bring about positive change; the opening of a doorway out, or even a window to let light into the space where those who need encouragement live.

I have found several keys to help move people from discouragement to hope:

• be an attentive listener and ask questions to show interest
• pray with the person whom you are trying to encourage
• share Scriptures which assure her/him that God knows about and can do something about their needs
• offer to assist in setting goals and establishing first steps towards accomplishing those goals that will bring change
• don’t give up on people who need extra time and compassion – God didn’t give up on you

There are many Scriptures that deal with “encouragement”. Here are a few to ponder as you consider your role as an encourager or “hope-giver”.

Our Heavenly Father’s Example

Psalm 10:17 You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and You listen to their cry . . .

Romans 15:5  May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus . . .

Heb. 12:5-6  And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:  “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,⁶because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.

(That last passage may not seem to be encouraging at first reading, but it is truly awesome that God accepts us as ‘sons’, with all the privileges of being His children; other people need to know that God will accept them.)

Our Assignment as Encouragers

1 Thess. 5:11   Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

1 Thess. 5:14   And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

 2 Tim. 4:2  Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

Heb. 3:13  But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Encouragement and Hope

Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

2 Thess. 2:16-17  May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, ¹⁷ encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

As we talked through the results of our self-exam, most of us in the Lifegroup conceded that we are not there yet as high-ranking encouragers. Yet, we would like to be people of hope who pass that hope on to others. I think the encouragement exam will cause us to look for opportunities to be encouraging others.  As children of God, we want to reflect His nature to those around us. And He is the ultimate encourager.

How about you? Are you an encourager? Would you like to be? Think about it.

©2011, Marcy Alves

*How Am I at Being an Encourager? c. 2000 Ken Williams Ph. D, International Training Partners